I went out shopping Saturday
To see what I could find
‘cos I’ve got a more than ample chest
And an oversize behind
I went in Marks & Spencer’s
In Littlewoods as well
It wasn’t going to be my lucky day
As I could quickly tell
I looked at Bra’s & Lingerie
At jumpers and gear for sports
But how am I going to interest men
Wearing Khaki “Dad’s Army” shorts
I asked the girl about mini skirts
She replied “with no offence meant”
Why not go to Camping and General
And see if they’ve got a small tent
But now she’d got my dander up
I’m ready for the fight
So I bought a two-piece suit, with baggy trousers
To wear on Saturday night
In order to write a rhyme like this
Although it’s only a tease
I’m going to sign off with my pseudonym
Dorothy Violet Louise