Lying here in my hospital bed
Thoughts of mischief run through my head
Wouldn’t it be fun to run amok?
Through the hospital ward in my theatre frock

There I’d be with my ass hanging out
Whooping and singing and dancing about
The other patients would clap and cheer
And give me the nod if the doctor came near

I’d give all the blokes in the men’s ward a laugh
By giving the matron an ice cold bed bath
The ones who could walk I’d take on a tour
Of the hospital grounds and all over the floors

All the women would be first in the queue
When the tea lady came to make us a brew
I’d give the nurses a well earned break
As long as they gave us all some cake

When choosing my meals I’d simply say
Is there a menu for a take away?
A pizza or pasta would be nice for lunch
Or maybe Chinese with prawn crackers to munch

When the time comes for giving blood
I’d pretend I was a vampire in a cloak and a hood
When the drug trolley came I’d lay on the floor
Kicking and screaming and asking for more

These thoughts of mischief they make me smile
For I have to stay in bed for a while
I know that you probably think that I’m sad
But if I don’t laugh, I know I’ll go mad

I’m fed up of being pilled, prodded and poked
And being in hospital just isn’t a joke
This condition I have I will not let it win
For I am a fighter and will never give in