Christmas is coming and the geese are getting fat
Santa Claus is on his way with his silly floppy hat
He parks his reindeer on the roof when at your house he stops
And hoping that the fire is out, down your chimney drops

The reason that his face is red and he always seems so merry
Must be that every stop he makes he scoffs mince pies and sherry
His beard is made of cotton wool and he’s got a big fat gut
If he doesn’t bring you what you want, then kick him in the butt !

You’ve no doubt wondered what to buy for family and friends
And what they’ll finally get from you on your financial state depends
So don’t be panic-stricken when you read your Christmas list
But calmly whisper “ B–ger it”, then go out and just get p-p-plastered

We’re given things like cheap perfume or a very jazzy tie
And if we’re honest with ourselves, they’re things we wouldn’t buy
But to make sure friends don’t get upset and maybe feel affronted
With tongue in cheek we’ll smile and say “Just what I’ve always wanted !”

We sing of Good King Wenceslas and on cards see Christmas roses
And those silly little snowmen with carrots for their noses
We go up the Pub’ quite often and sup a lot more beer
Is this really what is meant when they talk of Christmas cheer ?