On the way to Bosnia on a Mighty fat Albert
Many hours pass, Concorde its not
I was serving as part of the crew
Before the return journey I had a job to do

On seating of red webbing many will know
My head in a book when in flight
I had a white butty box packed with food
Most of it looked like it was pre-chewed

We landed without much incident on a runway somewhere
Taxied to a stop and engines shut down
Stepping out, it was a clear bright day
Chatted to some Italians who are there for a long stay.

It was a pleasant place in the middle of nowhere
And miles from the terminal with no vehicle
I decided to relieve myself on the grass near by
Before I took a step the Italians let out a warning cry

Waving their hands and shouting to me
I finally understood not to step on the grass
I thought that it was the same typical military rules and fines
But from their hand gestures I realised the grass was full of mines

The views for me had lost their interesting appeal
There was no where safe where concrete did not lay
So I decided to step back on the aircraft
I went to finish my necessary task

We took off with our new load to head back to Blighty
Still climbing we passed a disgruntled local
he aimed at us with an AK47 in his grasp
He let rip and hit us as we flew past

I had no idea that it was happening
Until we got back I was in the dark
You see on the Hercules it is just a little noisy
On the ground we found on the fin a hole or three

But the tail does not end there oh no
Over London in Heathrow airspace we flew
When a warning came over the radio to hard bank
A civvy Jet liner passed close by, the pilots reaction we had to thank

I could see the passengers through the windows
I’m sure they could damn well see us too
So all in all an uneventful military run
At the time it was all part of the military fun