From darkness to light

I am trying hard to pull myself from darkness to light
I find this a difficult thing to do, try as I might
I am not sure how much longer that living in the past
With all its problems and memories, will last

I still have a job and my house
I am also lucky enough to have a loving spouse
Some times to my perception I think
That only by loosing all of the above, will I ever see a shrink

I don’t think the system is set up to help unless
You have reached the bottom, you are in maximum distress
To have lost everything, feel there is no need to continue
This is when they will intervene and finally see you

With out all that gone they wont take you seriously
they wont consider my call for help, help save me
I have also found that my problems are not serious enough
I haven’t seen combat, friends blow up, so tough

I have not considered taking my life
Well maybe once, but thank god for my wife
Its not enough, I have not seen enough misery
There is not enough terror and fear boiling in me

Because I cope on the fringes of sanity
I function, work and move through society
I cope with multiple flashbacks, various past events each day
That’s impossible, they cant be flashbacks, you wouldn’t cope, they say

I have been taught, conditioned in truth
To keep going, to get on with it, since my youth
To carry on no matter what the cost
This training is why I struggle on, no matter my loss

I have however now seen a different side
With the right Doctor I no longer feel I have to hide
I am now in sessions I hope will help me
Help me to see hope, the future, to finally be free

My job, wife and house are intact
I am feeling a little more positive and better in fact
My past is still there waiting, bubbling, below
But with better understanding, I hope calmness will flow

I still don’t think the systems settings are right
Getting help while you life is still intact, is a hell of a fight
To catch these things people have before they fall apart
In my opinion is a very good place to start