My friend Gordon was a RAF conscript during National Service. When it comes to swapping yarns with him, I can generally hold my own, but this one was a proper Brahma:

“In the summer of 1959, twenty four of us from my Squadron were picked to go to Canada as ground crew for two of our aircraft which were taking part in the Vancouver air display.

As well as being given a special overseas uniform to wear, we had to have a FFI (Free from Infection) examination in our billets, by the Medical Officer, before we went.

We had to strip and then put on our pyjama bottoms before standing at attention, at the ends of our beds. The Squadron Adjutant, the MO and his assistant, a WAAF with a clipboard, and another chap from the Medical Centre came round. The MO had a cane and as he stood in front of us, the Adjutant told us to drop our pyjama bottoms. The MO then lifted up ones appendage with the cane and scrutinized it to ensure that we didn’t have a dose or any other sexually transmitted disease.

Lofty Callaghan was a right wag. When the MO lifted his old man on the cane, he said “Blimey Sir! I know it’s been in the nest a few times, but that’s the first time I’ve seen it on a perch!” The billet collapsed in hysterics, the MO was speechless and the Adjutant went doo ally tap at Lofty, but you should have seen the WAAFs face – talk about embarrassed!”