Last night I had a visit from a very pretty alien
She said her name was Xeba and from the planet Gaelian
I always had imagined that aliens were quite heinous
But Xeba was delightful, a perfect pocket Venus.

She lay beside me in my bed, discarding her chemise
And stroked my fevered forehead to put me at my ease
Her voice was soft and easy, her manner oh so gentle
She explained, her earthly visit was quite experimental.

She told me that on Gaelian there was no copulation
No sexual excitement to increase their population
They thought our ways were pretty odd, much more our inhibitions
Their young were made in test-tubes in laboratory conditions.

It had been said on Gaelian that earthlings passed their seed
Her quest was to discover how we managed to succeed
She said she’d like, if possible, my body parts to check
Then she took off my pyjamas before examining my neck.

Xeba’s hands dropped down my chest and sparks flew from her fingers
The sensation was quite wonderful, the memory still lingers
And when she reached my navel she admitted real perplexion
She thought it was a charging point or a satellite connection.

As her hands crept further southwards my heart began to pound
I closed my eyes and waited for that enquiry so profound
There was no way of telling that the question was to be
My wife’s “Good Morning Darling, Would you like a cup of tea”?-.