Now Ozi had a beret
A hat all round and flat
The Lance Jack wasn’t fond of it
As he smacked it with a bat

He took it off his head one day
And stomped on it real good
When Ozi got it back again
He was really in a mood

He mocked our section lance jack
He said he was a plonker
He even said his wife was fat
And nobody would bonk her

He soaked the hat in water
Hot at first then cold
He even wore it in the bath
In the hope the flap would fold

A helicopter landing pad
The sergeant said it was
But nothing that he did to it
Would help our Pte Oz

But in the end he did it
He found himself some thread
He washed it through to make it soft
and sewed it to his head