This morning, mes enfants, we are going to start
On learning the basics of gunnery.
I’ll endeavour to make it such fun as I can,
Though I guess there’s more glee in a nunnery.

This big ‘ole you see ‘ere, is known as the breech.
It’s a principal part of the gun,
Where we shove in a shell, and a bag-charge as well.
Now ‘ands up who thinks this is fun.

From the breech, the bore leads to the muzzle.
Which is where the projectiles pop out.
So before you should think about cleaning the gun,
Check you still ain’t got one stuck up the spout.

For if you should jab, those long cleaning rods,
On the tip of a HESH fuse’s nose.
You are likely to hear an incredible bang.
And what’s more, you’ll be dead, I suppose.

Either side of the gun is a bilateral buffer,
Which, I think, should be full of thin oil.
They tell me it helps, to slow down the gun.
What “The Gods” at The Cove call recoil.

The projectiles we use is called AP and HESH,
And their charges comes packed in a bag.
I think AP gets two bags and HESH just the one?
But I’ll check when we break for a fag.

A red flag means firing, a green means gun clear.
But a yellow flag means a misfire.
Then the brave and the bold take a pace to the fore.
And us old-sweats discretely retire.

Now I’m being demobbed, twenty-two ‘ave I served.
And this is my final swan song.
Remember, mes enfants, all what I ‘ave taught,
And you won’t go so very far wrong.