Have you noticed tables
Empty in the pub ?
Devoid of cardboard Beer mats
Where stacks of them once stood

“ The Ashtrays “ & “ The Speed Humps “
They both have had their say
But what about us Beer Mats ?
It’s time we had our day

No Newspaper announcements
Nothing on the news
We’ve all just disappeared
No Ballot of our views

Who made this mad decision ?
To take us all away
Whilst Drinkers in their Millions
Rely on old Drip trays

Down & outs did use us
For plugging holes in shoes
And wedged in wobbly table legs
And blocking up the loo’s

Lovers rowing at the table
Tearing me apart !
I’m crying tears of dripped beer
Even Beer Mats have a heart

Drunken games of ‘ Frisbee ‘
Were played with me before
And love poems written on me
But none of this, no more

The game of ‘ Flip-the-Beer Mat ‘
You won’t see nowadays
Now flashing ‘ One-Armed Bandits ‘
Amuse in other ways

One thing always puzzled me
While thinking, this and that
“ Which tree was my Father ? And
Why were we all called ‘ Matt ? “

Remember us dear drinker
A heart it beats within us
My favourite ‘ Tipple ‘ of the night
Was when they spilt “ The Guinness “ !

I went off for recycling
Gone back to ’ Meet my Maker ‘
You’re probably just now reading me
Upon recycled paper