Whilst out with the Countess of Cleese
I suddenly started to sneeze
She said ” Stop your snorting,
And start some cavorting
Just give this old Countess a squeeze.”

Now I’m not an out and out prude
The demand I considered quite rude
I stepped back quite quickly
Which made her quite prickly
And she uttered a word that was crude

With that I departed in haste
The Countess said “Oh what a waste
To shun this fair beauty
Who’s feeling quite fruity.”
But I would prefer her more chaste

The Countess would not be denied
Even though I found somewhere to hide
She found me in shadow
Said “That’s better laddo.”
“Un -hand me woman. ” I cried

It was then that the Count showed his face
And caught us locked in an embrace
He took up his rifle
Said ” You will not trifle,
Again with my wife in this place”

I implored him down on my knees
(Hoping his rifle might seize)
“It’s her you should shoot”
And pulled on my boot
But she held me the Countess of Cleese

Taking my chance I then ran
To the gate as fast as I can
The Countess cried “Shame,
It is me you should blame.”
And the last that I heard was a bang!