I kneel alone beside this bomb
The public they’ve all ran
They’ve put their trust in me today
The ‘ Bomb Disposal Man ‘

They tell me I’m a hero
The sweat runs down my nose
One small mistake from shaking hands
And up the bugger goes

I’m actually a coward
I dread the ‘ Walk of fear ‘
I picture now my headstone
‘ Corporal Smith rests here ‘

I can’t tell them that I’m afraid
My bottle I have lost
I can’t admit I tremble
No longer give a Toss

I switch my thoughts to ‘ Bertie ‘
That’s what I’ve called this bomb
I always give them nick-names
It helps us get along

I stare at all the workings
The wires and the springs
The multi-coloured cables
The Death that all this brings

A devious man has made this
Assembled it with care
Built it like a puzzle
With everything a ’ pair ‘

‘ On and off switch ‘ there are two
Which one should I flick down ?
I’ve seen this little trick before
Across in ‘ Castletown ‘

Whichever way you move the switch
A circuit you’ll complete
A searing flash is all you’ll see
You then become ‘ Dead meat ‘

Below the switches, wires
Labelled ‘ Cut me here ! ‘
This also makes a circuit
So touch them if you dare

The builders sense of humour
A challenge to my skills
His tricks I will not fall for
His sense of humour kills

The clock is also ticking
Six minutes left to go
The timer on the bomb
Never running slow

So little time to make a choice
Return to base in shame ?
I’d never stand their laughter
It’s me that they would blame

I flip a coin to help me choose
The normal ‘ Squaddie ‘ way
But whichever way the coin falls
I know I’m going to stay

Now that I’ve decided
I’ve nothing left to lose
I wish it was as simple
As cutting through the fuse

I find the ‘ Detonator ‘
Stuck firmly in C4
My trembling hands extract it
And place it on the floor

Sometimes, you’ve got to chance it
A poker game from high
Put your trust in luck and fate
Or ‘ Kiss your butt goodbye ‘

They call me hero yet again
But if they only knew
I peed inside my pants back there
And now I need the loo !