I’m a single Speed Hump
I wish I had a friend
The nearest neighbour I’ve got
Is down, and round the bend

With car fumes I’m Exhausted
The wheels they make me Tired
In rain I get all soggy
In mud I feel all Mired !

The Motorists all hate me
Because I slow them down
Especially the 999’s
Whilst speeding through the Town

Company cars are worst of all
Of me they have no fears
It isn’t their insurance
That pays for those repairs

I get the blame when baby’s sick
In Fathers brand new motor
He’s going far to fast
Not giving one iota

I’m stared at by those “ Cats Eyes “
All seeing, watching me
Winking when the headlights pass
Lighting up with glee

Teenagers stop on top off me
Throw “ McDonald’s “ on my head
I look forward to those moments
At least then, I get fed

The drunks they stop to urinate
A flood of yellow rain
Then vomit on my stripy hump
It flows off down the drain

One day we’ll form a Union
Unite against those cars
And hold our Union meetings
In back rooms of the bars

We’ll not be needed someday
When drivers reach their senses
Like our friends “ The Ashtrays “
Departed, and lamented

Until that day I’ll lie here
Await the next hard thump
Another mound upon the road
A sad and lonely Hump