Huntin the Haggis

by | Dec 4, 2008 | Poetry | 0 comments

When hunting the Haggis it’s useful to know

That the Haggis when hunted keeps very low,

It runs really fast with its ear to the ground
And jumps up a tree at the very first sound……

And there it will stay disguised as a bird,
Emitting strange sounds which seldom are heard
By rabbit, by man, by sheep or by beastie-

It’s the sound of the haggis avoiding the feastie.

Some times it thinks it even can fly
And launches itself out into the sky.
That is the time when you really must heed,

For if it falls on your head..
you’ll be very soon deed.

Oh the Haggis they say is the hardest to hunt,
Will evade you by car, by plane or by punt.
At the sound of a hunter it’s off in a trike
And has even been known to escape on a bike.

But if you’re hunting the Haggis do not be afrit,
Just go out and buy Barbour’s Haggis Hunt kit.
Yes this will equip you with all that’s required
to hunt down the Haggis until it’s expired.

For I tell you my friend, it’s not just a rumour-

But the Haggis you know is laid low by humour.

It’s a sucker for slapstick and loves Benny Hill,
Of Morecambe & Wise it can’t get its fill.

So put on the kilt with fake hairy knees,
The squeezeable sporran that gives out a wheeze

And place on your hair the ree-volving hat,
With a box on the top for the pet family cat.

false nose run by battery that swivels around
Is often quite useful, or so I have found
with a light bulb shoved up to give out a spark
And make it glow red when you’re out in the dark

Then with sombre demeanour take to the Moors,
Start hunting the Haggis and give it no pause.

Through a megaphone loud you can shout it a joke
And at this if you’re lucky the Haggis will choke.
But as soon as it sees you this kit shows its worth
For the poor wee Haggis will be con vulsed with mirth.

Yes that’s how the Haggis arrived on your plate,
Hunted by humour was this Haggis’s fate.

That’s how the Haggis arrived at your feastie-
A surfeit of laughter killed off this beastie.

So eat up your Haggis and have lots of fun,
but watch out for laughter as it sinks to your tum.

Remember where excess of humour can lead-

Just look at this Haggis – it laughed till it deed.


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