Snoring does not wake me
It does not make me mad,
It does not affect me in the least
And it never makes ME sad.

Snoring, does not disturb me
When I am fast asleep,
It does not get me out of bed
All my comforts, I do keep.

I cannot see what you’re upset about
I sleep just like a child.
I cannot see why you’re cross at me
I cannot see why you’re so wild.

I sleep soundly in my bed
If you try; you could too.
Snoring is a noise I never hear
It’s only heard by you.

I think your tale is all made up
I’ve never heard this sound,
You tell me it’s like a big steam train
With wheels that go ‘round and ‘round.

Come on let’s just face it
Your tale is all a sham.
It’s just the ears of women
And your constant criticism of man!

When one day the truth you tell
Only then, shall we see,
That there was no snoring in our bed
It was just lies to get at me.

This tale of snoring, you had to tell
Just to be like your best friend
For a snoring man, it is a myth
It’s not what killed her in the end.

It was her constant moaning
Of her husband, dear and true,
She suffocated to her death
When he stuck her lips with glue.

If you must have your divorce
Do not tell you’re ‘porky-pies’.
Say it, just how it should be
And my ‘snoring’ was all lies.

For there’s no such thing as snoring.
There’s no such snoring noise.
It’s all myth made up by girls
Just to get at us poor boys.