Suicide by PTSD

by | Mar 27, 2011 | Poetry | 0 comments

I nearly lost my life today when the enemy sneaked up on me
I let my guard drop just a shade and that’s all it takes you see
I was only smiling to myself feeling at peace with everything
I should have known the hurt and pain the enemy can bring

He sneaked in fast while I looked away and planted in my mind
A simple memory of pain and grief he knew I’d quickly find
I suddenly felt his clutching hands as they tore inside my head
He laughed out loud at my pain and he let the past be said

The flashes came of tortures past of things no man should see
They came in waves within my mind and soon I lost what was me
I tried to stand and hold myself but my brain was occupied
I fell to the ground a crumpled heap I cried and I cried and I cried

No more a man of dignity nothing left to say it was me
As I screamed out loud and others fled unsure of what they see
As urine ran to join the tears which landed on the ground
I lost control I wished no more than to end my life and sleep sound

It’s not a brave thing to turn and hide from that which you most fear
You know that those who hold you close will help will keep you here
But is it right to put them through what they cannot understand
To ask you’re dearest and closest to watch and to hold your hand

So today I almost died and the fear of my past nearly won
I nearly let myself give up do the deed and have it be done
But I somehow felt the pull of the love my dearest and closest feel
So today I face my monsters no matter the fear no matter how real.


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