Nosher Knowles turned up last night, and brought his own pork pies,
With Smudger Smith and Dinger Bell, in regimental ties.
Tug Wilson propped the bar up with his old pal Chalky White.
And Pearly Gates remembered supping fourteen pints a night.
Topper Brown asked Monty Banks, could he remember who,
Got drunk with Pedlar Palmer and got locked in Hamburg zoo?
Ali Barber said, he thought, that it was Windy Gale,
But consensus of opinion made the culprit Stormy Hayle.
Spud Murphy rambled on about his dodgy prostate gland,
And Septic Boyle suggested that he try a rubber band.
“It’s worth a try!” said Lofty Short, a man who seldom speaks.
“It’s either that,” joked Sonny Byrnes, “or put up with the leaks.”
Then Chippy Wood reminded all, of a trip to Amsterdam,
When a lady of a certain charm, enamoured Larry Lamb.
Freddie Fox remembered well, “She led him round the houses.”
“Not only that.” laughed Smokey Cole, “ She ran off with his trousers”.
“ What about,” asked Taffy Welch, “that Balaklava Day?
When Dixie Dean and Nobby Clarke produced a wicked play.
While the Provost Sergeant, Dickie Bird, played the leading toff,
Tarmac Rhodes and Cloudy Day, chopped poor Dickie’s moustache off.”
Spider Webb fell off his chair, spilling Guinness down his shirt.
And Bunny Warren shamed himself, all of a barmaid’s skirt.
Screwy Driver had a bet come up, so bought us all a beer.
Then Dusty Miller made a toast, “To old friends no longer here.”
Whiskey Walker summed it up, “Good time was had by all”.
And Tommy Tucker echoed with, “Too true, I’ve had a ball.”
So I said goodnight to all my mates, I’ve tried to name a few.
And I hope to see them all next year, at the Regimental do.