You can’t beat a good bit of bulling

by | Aug 12, 2009 | Poetry | 0 comments

Sick and fed up of getting beasted?
Coz your boots are tired and dull
Well all it takes is patience and time
And a lesson on how to bull

Find yourself a good comfy chair
You’re going to be sat for a while
Bulling your boots aint a two minute job
Its hard work; but definitely worth while

Make sure your boots are free from dirt
If not, wash them and leave them to dry
Then gather together your polishing kit
Now you’re ready to give bulling a try

Make sure that your cloth is nice and soft
One that won’t leave bits behind
Use black Kiwi polish, standard is good
To give your boots a good shine

Unlock the top off your Kiwi polish
Get used to the smell, it does linger
Then take your cloth and wrap it around
The end of your index finger

With that same finger, now take on a load
Of your Kiwi polish thus so
It may seem a lot, but worry thee not
For now you’re ready to go

With a circular motion on the toe of your boot
Apply the polish so light
Do not be tempted to give them a scrub
Nice and gentle’s just right

At first it may seem, that your polishing is rough
That’s where technique now comes in
A bit of spit is required here now
And so the next lesson begins

Don’t spit on the boot, with a big ugly glob
Oh no, that would be so terribly wrong
Simply take your polishing cloth like this
And dab on the end of your tongue

Too much liquid will make the boot dull
And waste all the hard work you’ve done
So patience is needed when bulling your boots
So don’t rush when you’re trying to bull

When applying the polish, swirls will appear
Don’t worry lad, this is okay
Keep polishing gently in inch circular motions
And the swirls will soon fade away

As the swirls fade away, one layer is done
It’s time to start over again
So it’s back to the Kiwi and load up your cloth
To build the next layer the same

After a while thick layers build up
All scratches and scrapes disappear
A good indication when enough is enough
Is when a smooth state appears

At this smooth state, it’s now time to turn
Your boots into black mirrors like glass
Start reducing the polish on each brand new layer
To build up a shine that will last

Once you can see your own reflection
Then that’s a job that’s bloody well done
If not, then continue to work ‘til you can
No one said that bulling was fun

How long this can take, well that’s up to you
There’s no set time limit to bulling you see
A novice can take a few hours or more
But a professional can do less than three

If your Warrant Officer’s wowed by the shine on your boots
The praise will be pleasantly fulfilling
Thanks to simple techniques and a lot of hard work
You can’t beat a good bit of bulling!


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